5

Meeting Tony was the strangest thing that's maybe ever happened to me. I knew Dave for four years, but the night he kissed me for the first time... I knew I was going to marry him.

I kissed Tony, or let him kiss me, it took me totally by surprise, but... when he touched me today, he hugged me when we met and... that feeling I had when I looked into Rene's eyes for the first time, it was like that, only my entire soul relaxed, it breathed if that makes sense, maybe for the first time ever.

Then at the restaurant, honestly, I was kinda on guard because I was WAY too comfortable with this man I didn't know... and besides, he's not on the rebound from his ex wife, much of that seems really settled in his soul, but this other woman... oh my god, the man is totally in love with her and me being the smart woman I am, decided at the table that I would not be anything other than friends with Tony, but as we were leaving... he put his hand in the small of my back... no one has ever done that before and I got butterflies and... what I felt was very much NOT friendship.

When we got back to my room I didn't want him to leave, I never invite people in, I live in a hotel for crying out loud I didn't want to give him the wrong impression, I just... I wasn't ready to say good bye. I mean I figured once I did, I'd never see him again anyway, he's all over the place, he's like a little kid on his own for a big weekend or some such...

Why does that even bother me?

I mean I have Rene, I'm not looking for anything other than fun, so why am I so worried about his ability to be in a relationship, to fall in love? This makes no sense. Why am I even thinking this way?

Anyway, when we got back to my room, he kissed me and we got very close, we could have gotten a lot closer if not for the fact that I was freaked out... but what am I freaked out over? I'm seriously being ridiculous... we laid on my bed and made out like teenagers for a very long wonderful lovely perfect time and when we finally said good bye, we stood behind my door kissing and I was just sort of holding his hands... I didn't want to let go, and I'm thinking he's dangerous. He's going to eclipse Rene in a heartbeat and that can't happen.

He kissed me on the forehead... why does that make me feel... no one ever has...

I don't know what I'm going to do about him, about how I feel... I'm over thinking... I need to stop.

4

I'm... I can't think... I don't understand what just happened or why I'm crying because he had to go home... omg I've lost my mind, but I hurt... wtf! I'll write more later :p

3

I'm meeting him for lunch... Tony... I've always loved that name. My first and only imaginary boyfriend when I was like 14 was named Tony. I think I still have one or two cards he bought me that I signed his name in... sheesh... anyway, lunch... which is kinda good coz I'm starving but the last time I met a man because I was starving, it was Dale! And I know how that went!!!

but I'm meeting him... in person... I wonder what he looks like... not that I care but it just dawned on me I have no idea. lol

Why do I like him so much? sheesh

2

So I have figured out the "married" piece. He's divorced, but they are currently selling their home and moving... it's complicated, but isn't it always?

Anyway, omg I love this man. He's the most beautiful damaged spirit I may have ever seen. I find myself thinking about him a lot and though I never meet people from online without knowing them really well, I swear I think I'd meet him right this second anywhere he wanted... how crazy is that!?

I'm being SO dumb really... he has SO much smoke on him, he's nowhere near ready for a relationship and.... OMG did I just write that!?! omg relationship indeed... good lord!

1

I met someone today... well not meet exactly, he messaged me on cupid... I get a TON of messages there, but this one... I'm smiling even thinking it. I know i have the whole Rene mess and all, and I'm pretty sure this guy is married anyway, but I like the married guys... I mean just for talking to! They're usually just as lonely as I am... but I digress. He has no pic that's why I say he's married, or I suppose he could be just really self conscious about his appearance, but with how he writes, I REALLY don't think that's it.

His words though... they touched my soul. I can't explain it more than that. I've never felt such an instant... I want to know him. I'm finding myself guarded for disappointment though. The guys I like never like me back and... good grief, didn't I just say I thought he was married? Plus I have Rene... grrrrr I'm being weird.

But I'm still hoping he writes again. :)